Life as a Post-grad

Hi, Mid of 2016.

Time is running very quickly. I remembered how much stressed I had in the semester 2 of my post-grad life.
Been chasing after the time. Tonnes of presentations, assignments, postings, reports, assessments etc. 3 presentations is a day, rushed assignment in 2 days, prepared dissertation proposal within 2 weeks.
Really exhausted.
Yet sem 2 was all about self-learning, glad that I am able to went out for dates, dinner, movies with my favorite people.

I always cant wait to end this post-grad life. I cant wait to step into the society, to work, and to earn money again.
Yes, you might be jealous of my student's life.. but probably you dont know how much courage needed to quit your job, back to university & compete with those 'younger' than you, crack your head to memorize again (getting old now T.T ), no income (most importantly!).
Please dont tell me: aiyoo ask from your parents lah.
No, I just can't accept their money. It's time to take care of myself, with my own savings.
So, post-grad student is "MEMANG MISKIN".
Apa pun naik harga, how to survive? 

Thanks to myself- my mentality, my strength, my body
Thanks for enduring my stress + tiredness from part time work.
Thanks for being good and hold on throughout my hard times.

Whatever it is,
I know after this, I won't be going back to the life as a student. I won't. I don't think I will continue my PhD. *i think i will go crazy*
So I will REALLY 'enjoy' this journey -18 months of a life as a student. I will need to make sure that I enhance my knowledge, and contribute to the society one day.
I am not a girl that has a big dream. I am just an ordinary girl, seeking for a better life by being a citizen that contributes with my own profession.

I am happy with what I am having now. This post is probably will be useful to remind me: to be glad for everything, to endure some challenges in life, to flash back my student's life.
So that one day when I turn back & look at my past, it is something that can be proud of.

Post grad life, CHEERS!

NERD enough!

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The good time will come.

The past 2 months were considered as a hectic one to my family and me.
Grandma was admitted into hospital, then discharged then being admitted again.
My dog then was knocked by a car few days later and her joint was dislocated.
Too many things happened altogether.

Almost every night we rushed to PPUM to visit grandma and feed her.
Why rush? It's because the staffs will not let visitors in after 8 - 8.30pm.
Even though you managed to escaped at the main entrance, you still have to undergo the second stage, which is the entrance to the ward.
If you miss the 'train'- you have to wait nurse to come out in order to let you in.
The so-called 'train' is the automatic lock door.
But I would like to praise those nurses in PPUM for being so helpful and kind. They even helped my grandma to remove the blackheads on her nose!

家家有本难念的经。
After grandma being discharged, dad decided to fetch her to our house.
Honestly speaking, this is the first time she stay in our house, and this is the first time we taking care of her (with her not well condition).
From being so talkative to barely recognizing us, I had realized how much grandma has became weaker as just compared to few months ago.
She used to walk fairly good and now she can't even walk.

Feeding her, changing her diapers, bathing her, physiotherapy have become part of our daily routine.
I went to pharmacy to buy dressing set, I learnt to clean up her bedsores.
Everyone in the house just give a hand to take care of her.
I believe, despite of lacking experience, we are consider not bad.

Time flies.

Have you realized that people beside us are getting old days by days?
They might not be able to stay with us for a long period, but please do appreciate every moment you get to spend with them.

阿嬤，
愿您早日康复。

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我，一点都不坚强。

很久没写部落格了
或许是因为laptop被病毒侵犯了
也或许是自己变懒了
往往有很多事总在我脑海里围绕
但却不想把它给挖出来。

其实 原来 我一点都不坚强。
现在的我 不再爱把所有的事都分享出来
把自己装的那样坚强
把自己感想深埋着
别人对我做的 说的；
我没反击，我沉默。

你总爱讲我
总爱在大众 部落格里说我
对你，我可能不是个全职女友。
我一直都把所有 所有 藏在心里。
我一直都想做你的好女人。

你的不信任 你的怀疑
我没责怪 我没反抗
我尽量更改
你不喜欢的 你不给的； 我也不会去做了。
但是，
原来事实改变不了。
这一天，这一刻，
你也保持着你一样的态度。

我，这位一点也再不想伪装的女孩；
仰望，把泪水擦掉。
深呼吸
我。。心想。。我好笨。
我不想这样了。

没有了一丝笑容
我淡然的 望着窗外。
你再说的 做的
我暂时听不进。
我的心真的好痛。
因为我做的 真的尽力了
为什么你。。这样对我。

男人, 不要让爱你的女人沉默。
因为沉默是女人无声无泪的哭泣。
如果有一天你的女人；
她不再对你撒娇，
她不再对你任性，
她不再缠着你跟你要这个要那个，
她不再因为你的任何事情微笑或者皱眉。。

我已无力面对你一问再问
我已无力证明心有多诚恳
你要的我都学不会
为你伤悲　为你憔悴
我真的好累

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苦中一點甜

以前上大學，

只要不舒服就可以自己ambil cuti sendiri。

根本就不用理會功課。

然後回家去，躺在床上休息。

現在上了班，

就算不舒服也得撐著，

忍著，還要微笑面對病人；

繼續把手頭上的工作做完。

的卻好辛苦。

面部蒼白，冒冷汗。

還要在不對的時間，不舒服！

但是

不同的是；

因爲公司有藥房，所以就算不舒服也不用怕沒葯吃。

不同的是；

因爲公司有好同事，所以就算再忙，他們都讓我休息。

還特地買了杯hot chocolate給我。

還一直叮嚀我早點放工。

我有一班好‘ 愛吃’ 的同事。
做了那麽久，我就吃了那麽久。

再這樣下去，不變胖才怪呢！

其實，還蠻有口福的 :)

還有還有，我終于踏入手術室啦！

所以，

苦中，是有一點甜的。

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Working Life

After stepping into working life;
Seriously, I am really exhausted.
Once the clock tick at 11 o'clock, I am feeling sleepy ady.
But good thing is, I sleep earlier, wake up earlier.
A good habit.

After stepping into working life;
I couldn't adapt to the working environment for the first few days.
It's not that the colleagues are not friendly but is me myself that I feel lonely.
Because there is no longer soul-mates to talk to like how I used to have in university.
But good thing is, I learnt to be more independent.
A good learn.

After stepping into working life;
I looked back to my university life.
Realizing how much I wished to turn back time.
I hoped to go back to study life because working is a total different life.
But good thing is, I face different challenges everyday.
A good thing.

After stepping into working life;
I know everything is on my own now.
I play an important role in the company because I'm the only one holding the position.
But good thing is, I managed to consult them and educate them in my own way.
Talking to them in my own room, without anyone supervising nor disturbing.
I feel happy talking to patients and increase their awareness of a particular condition.
A good job.

Actually, there are more for me to learn after stepping into working life.
I have to stand strong.
As I always have in my mind, Tomorrow will be a better day.
Feeling greatful. gladful. wonderful.
Hopefully.

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我好幸福

其实我很幸福
我不愁食，也不忧财
有什么想要的，我可以刷卡，但我不会
我有不舍得买的，我亲爱的会坚持送给我

其实我们蛮神经质
我们总是那么的疯狂：
可以不理别人的哈哈大笑
有时只活在两人世界里
累了就一起像猪酱在车里睡着
逛街可以现买现穿
我们很厉害精算，用最少的钱吃最好吃的
就算再忙都能忙里偷闲
日子就是那么的逍遥自在

虽然偶尔会争吵
会意见不合
会不悦你
但其实我是很疼你的啦
*我现在好像捏你啊！*
嘻嘻

我怎麽那样幸福

还记得吗

我曾说过，

有你真好

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THANK YOU.

Why must disappointment be a part of life?

Stop torturing me.
Please don't tell me that you will come over but instead for the whole day you never contact me, and I have to found out that you were with your boy and girl friends.
It's okay if you don't message me for the whole day, because you said too much of sms is not so good.
It's okay f you are not coming over, because I told you no need to travel over.
But I'm too stupid to send you a message wishing you to have a good day even though you never contact me.
It's too stupid for not angry with you because you did not reply.
I'm so stupid to find out that you did not reply because you were with ur friends, and I know nothing about it.
I'm too stupid to find excuses for what you've done.

This is not the first time.
Since the first day, I've already knew that I'm not comparable with your friends.
Who am I to to you. I got the answer in my mind.

I will not be the stupid girl, anymore.
Thank you miserable life.

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A Never Ending Story

It has been a long time since my last post huh.
My year 3 has ended last month, and due to my laziness and "busyness", I don't manage to blog anything about it.
Semester 6, considered as a quite stressful semester as we have to complete our dissertation. No one knows how much efforts and tears you put for it.
Then I met a cheerful and cute boy as my patient. From being a pirate to twinkle twinkle little star. Funny max.
I have 3 weeks of semester break, which is going to end this week.
Still, I'm glad that I managed to get my things done during the break, even though I don't get to go for any vacation / shopping. Or at least, Genting with classmates.

Next week - the time I step into my final year.
The feeling at first was I hope the time pass slower because I would like to enjoy the break. But now, I wished the time comes faster. Maybe, I used to get busy, maybe I don't like the feeling of doing nothing.

I hate the feeling of not being appreciated.
Although not a single words are voice out, although you have already used to live the way you are.. But girls do need some kind of appreciation and care. You might think that a simple one is more than enough, but do you ever think of what she wants and needs?
It is very difficult for her to accept that she is being neglected, especially when she is beside of you.
Or you don't come to meet nor lead her when she came to a place nearby you.

Sometimes, you have to stop doing something when it is an expectation rather than an appreciation.

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我变了

我要的只是那么的一点点
这要求是否有点过分
同样的事说了几十遍
那当初的意义又何在

我不埋怨
但我会不悦
你不能说我悲观
毕竟都忍了那么久
难道就连沉默都有错

很多事情已经不一样了
我是个普通的女人
曾经和别的女人一样
你怎么那样厉害
把我给变了

我不是伟大
为你 我变成了 Better Me。

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好漫长的一部戏

结局是这样的：

一个人,

两种心情,

三张纸巾.

半小时的关机

半小时的塞车

一小时的驾驶

没有目的地在路上驶去

有路 - 就走, 就弯, 就 U-turn.

人生就像一场戏

电影里的主角都不是这样的吗?

演员门都累了？怎么越演越糟。

不好意思，一定是女主角没把角色给演好

把整部电影给搞砸了

请问导演可以 NG 吗？

还是导演把女主角给换掉，找个更适合的，票房才会飙。

这一生

在吵闹任性的时候，你希望有个人能够哄你

你以为这就是你所追求的世界

但却必须面对种种的分岔路

让你好怀念过去的单纯小幸福

这些是你想要的吗？

乱语下，总隐藏着 maksud tersirat 。

我现在好想回家去。

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When Life Pulls You Down

It's been a long time since I last updated huh?
This recent weeks were quite hectic for me.
It was either I was busying with assignments, or internal assessment or working.

Actually, we are going through the same thing.
I have been missing the memories too,
But maybe you weren't realized about it.
Looking back.. those memories were so simple and sweet.
I don't want to ruin it. :'(
I know attitude should change, i know.

And throughout the times I've learned lots of things;
Some people takes you for granted no matter how sincerely you treat them;
Passing in an exam is not about how smart you are, but how well you can bull-shit;
Getting a good grade is not about how good you bull-shit, but how good you can cheat;
Love is not about looking at each other's good, but to accept their weakness as well;
Argument is not the biggest thing after-all, but most importantly after each argument you learned to be more appreciate;
Also, I found that reverse psychology do works!

Yet, I managed to spent some quality time with my loved ones and my classmates by doing sports, going for a holiday and eat lots of nice food.

And I am here to announce that my lovely sister is getting married soon! I felt so happy for her. :')

我爱你们

Life moves on. Finally, my first touch on pool!

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无助

是什么？不晓得。
女人啊，就是那么的情绪化
睡眠不足，功课，压力，种种加上来导致情绪变动。
事物总是没完没了，想好好的休息也不能
只是希望自己在无助时，身边有个人可依靠。

被疼与被爱的感觉真好
一句问候，一个拥抱。。
仿佛离我好远。

我不喜欢把所有的相处时间和游戏分一半
在你对着你电脑时，是否想着坐在你身旁的人？
可以允许我自私一点吗?
不是不让你玩
偶尔，也希望你可以‘忙’里偷闲。

空虚。

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BuhBye Sem 5!

Without realizing, its the end of 2011.
So fast, everything happened in a blink.
I've done with my Semester 5. It a semester that made me feel so stress but time flies so fast during this sem.

Semester 5,
The first time we have clinical posting with doctors, optometrists, pharmacist and real patients;
The first time we got the final year project;
The first time we struggled so much for the thesis proposal;
The first time we had our first NIOS annual dinner;
The first time we had our clinical examination with real patients and medical officers;
The first time we did our case presentation.

First time of drinking red wine.

NIOS first annual dinner. The girls.

The only one 21st birthday celebration.

We did everything for the first time this semester.
Whatever is it, it ends.
This time, we have 2 months of holiday! For the first time too!
Till end of February. Real long. :)

Urgh. I been too busy and tired recently.
Time for some rest.
Awaiting for the next day!

P/s: 12 days more. If  you know what I mean. Haha! :P

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静思

最近真的是忙到爆炸。
假期里不是赶 assignments , 就是忙顾 cousins, 还有堂姐的 wedding。
假期完了，依然赶着 assignment, 还有 reports。
所以学会了 “忙里偷闲” 的道理。
在忙里，偶而会去看看戏，在家乱唱 k，还有吃好料来宠爱自己。
这样才算是充实的生活！

从中，我领悟了很多东西。
比如说， 好人难做。
无论你多好心，别人不一定会感激你。
反而可能会在你不留意时伤害了你。
虽然是蛮失望的，不过我还是会选择做个好人，
但会是聪明的好人，不再被欺负的好人。
我的快乐不是因为我拥有得多，而是我计较得少。

还有，
期望越大，失望就越大。
就算是你爱的人也会丢失你的期望。
诺言，可能根本就没有。

世上没有谁不能没有谁。
没有会是谁的全部。
一个游戏，可能会胜出于你。
但世上，没有你不爱的人，
没有你不信任的人，
也没有你不原谅的人。

在一段时间里，若同样的事情一直发生，久了以后，会变成理所当然。
别人对你的好不是应该的。
但若别人一直对你不好，你仿佛看开了。
因为，你麻木了。
不再对他所做的放在心里了。

嗯，牢记。
对了，中秋节快乐。

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Tabur Hill

Woke up at 3.45am and get ready for mountain climbing - Bukit Tabur, or more commonly known as Crystal Hill. Well, I'm not the earliest one. :D My eyes hardly opened that day, sleepy but couldn't sleep in the car.

Gathered with others at 5.30am, and we started our mountain climbing at 6am. It was dark out there and we have to use torch light to lead us the path. Each step of climbing was kinda tiring but the cooling windy weather made us feel so good. The trek was pretty easy as there are only small tree trunks.

We reached the resting place at the top of the mountain, and we had our biscuit there by looking at the scenery, waiting for sunrise. But there's too much of clouds blocking the sun. At that point, a great view of Tabur Hill and vista view of Kuala Lumpur was seen.

We continued our journey and we decided to finished up all the trek, even its tough and dangerous. We decided to took the tougher route. The route begins to get steeper and we have to scrabble over the rocks. I was lucky because someone prepared glove for me. :) There were few points that involved short rappelling spot. A rope is provided but it was quite dangerous for inexperience people as they might fall off the rope and get injured. The best example is myself where my hands could not bear with the weight of my body.

Later on, the climb became even steep as the rocks are almost vertical. Surprising I made it successfully. There was another peak that we need to descent using the provided rope. Ups and downs, we came across few ravines. And finally, we downhill. Downhill is never been easy because all you need is your "break" skill. My toes were injured and there were few times I almost slide off. The route was so slippery.

The rocks are almost vertical!

We had reached the bottom at around 11am. It was a great expenditure :)

Souvenirs I got: Pain @ muscles of shoulder, armpit & arm, injured @ toes, contusion @ hipbones.

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Lost

Received the shocking early in the morning that day.
None of us actually believed it when we first received the call.
This is unexpected. He was okay all this while but he leaves us so suddenly.

The feeling of losing the one you love, your family..
It's so pain and I finally felt the pain.
Relatives waited for me and we rushed to the funeral parlor once I finished my class that day.
Once we reached, tears fall. The moment we went beside the coffin, we cried even louder.
2 days of prayer. 2 days of sitting at the funeral parlor.
A peaceful place, but I really hate the feeling.

Today, the prayer ceremonies are over.
The wailing of the mourners reaches a crescendo.
All of us turned away during the sealing of the coffin.
When the coffin is nailed up, everyone cried.
I thought all these days they were so tough in accepting the fact, but they were not. Everyone cried so hardly today. That feeling, is like a knife stabbed into your heart.

At the cemetery, the coffin is burned.
We kneel down in front of the stove, looking at the fire, we shout for his name and we cried so terribly.
He leaves us at such a young age...

So many unusual things happened after the ceremony.
We received a miss call from the deceased.
Is it means that the deceased wants to tell us that he is fine, or is it someone accidentally pressed it?
Let it be a mist.

Alright, shall back to my mood.
I'm tired.
Life is short. So, appreciate.

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告诉自己，这是一个新的一课。

所以在未来的日子里，我要有新的目标！
1- 活得健康
2- 活得幸福快乐
3- 存钱
4 - 减肥
5- 快乐.. 还是快乐！

我越来越喜欢忙碌的日子了。
忙得透不过气，时间才会过得比较快。

以后的路，是一个人了。
以前的是曾经拥有。未来若有疤痕，也是我人生的印记。
乐观免不了沮丧， 沮丧过后还是乐观。
我要加油。

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10 10 10

有人比我早了一步，写了 101010 的 post。
101010 十全十美?
刚好又是星期日，应该算是好日子吧?
不要紧，反正不关我的事~


不知道什么时候开始...
比以前更注重健康
发现自己变粗鲁了
发现自己变迟钝了
发现自己什么都拿来烦

有时自己会一个人傻笑

有时自己会一个人悲伤
喜欢拿相机左拍拍，右拍拍
喜欢上了运动，虽然还是输给了懒惰
不过，这些事都算是好事！


最近身边的人都发生了些事
人与人的误解，我不喜欢
但这些都是我们必须走的一段路
不经一事，不长一知
它，扩大了我的思考范围
你，分享了我的喜怒哀乐


对任何事情，都应该往不同的角度去想
站在最高峰，一眼看下去
把所有都给看清
我不应该偏向任何一方
我好像变得会想了。


对！我应该多用用我的脑
应该好好的分析每一件事情
不用脑会变笨！


我感恩，
感恩对我好的人
感恩关心我的人
感恩爱我的人
感恩疼我的人
感恩给我快乐的人
感恩让我流泪的人


其实快乐是很简单的
今天，1零吉给了我快乐
谢谢你~

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While I can.

It's shocked when I heard the news about the guy who passed away in the morning.
I don't know him. But I always see them tagging him in Facebook.
He is not my friend, he is a  friend of my friend.
They happily went to clubbing, but thing changed because of an accident.
Please, do not ever drive if you are drunk.
Think of the one you loves before you act.
I felt the sadness of his friends. It's hurt..

It's shocked when I heard the news about the girl who injured yesterday.
I don't know her.
She is not my friend, she is my sister's friend.
Never thought accident could happened when they cycled in Taman Pertanian.
The break of the bicycle was not working when she was cycling downwards the hill.
What she could do was jumped off from the bicycle.
Her face, her finger, her leg were seriously injured.

Life is precious, everyone knows about that.
I want to appreciate everything, everyone who come across my life.
No matter good or bad, at least them leave foot-prints on me.

I want to treat myself better.
I want to enjoy so hardly after exam next time.
At least a cup of Starbucks, a slice of Secret Recipe's cake, a cup of ice-cream, a bar of Bueno or a pack of Famous Amos cookies.
Just gimme something fattening will do. =X
Exam only once in a month. so it isn't that bad if I'm gonna pamper myself once in a month right?

Don't wait for a choice, fight for a chance.
I deserve it.

*Wishing all Muslim friends Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri! and Happy Holiday to everyone in Malaysia. Remember, drive safely.

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Blah.

Yup. 

As you can see, I changed the background into white color.

It's time to change.

Because black is an emo's color!

=)

The first week of Sem 3 is ended.

So far, so 'good'.

Class mostly from 8.30am to 6pm!

3 hours of lecture non-stop.

Course is getting tougher. Notes are getting thicker.

Jam is getting worser.

I can't imagine how my life would be in the coming 15 weeks.

But I can imagine how stressful everyone will be.
Let's fight together with me, alright?

Too many things happened recently.

People always hope for more choices, but sometimes having too many of choices is not a good thing too.

I hope, someone could lead me to make a choice.

I hope, things can go smoothly.
I hope, everyone is happy.

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