I wasn't in mood for anything. I'm praying hard so that I will forget everything once I wake up. Greeting them with a fake smile on my face. Chatting with them in a way I'm forced to talk. Driving without direction to uni, aimlessly. This is so NOT me.

I blame myself for all these. I shouldn't have been acting strong. I shouldn't have changed. I shouldn't been act like I doesn't care. I shouldn't think that the whole relationship is stable without me doing anything. With all my effort trying to think positively, still, I failed. I am such a failure. I hate myself, I curse myself!

Thinking again and again. I have to back to reality. I hope I could have focus on something better, trying to make myself as busy as I could. Please, make my schedule fully book. I hope people come to disturb me all the time so that my mind has no time to think about it, so that the time could flies faster. Don't leave me alone. I'm afraid. My tears can't stop falling. I fall, i fall seriously. I can't make myself smile, I can't.

I need to be strong. I must be strong.